Phone Sex Tips

Q. I'm not too good at phone sex with my girlfriend. How do I get her off?

A. I'm not too good at phone sex either, Of course, not having a girlfriend does rather cramp my style.

It's just not the same having to use my mobile phone to call myself on the home phone and ask myself what I'm wearing. Often, I'm in a playful and ask myself to guess. It's amazing how good a guesser I am. But amazing how pointless the whole exercise is.

A2. Phone sex isn't something I had much expertise in until your question. But I'm a dedicated researcher, so one evening, I spent over six hours on the phone to various phone sex lines to try to find out some good techniques and tips for you.

Here's what I found out:

During phone sex, girls don't orgasm until you type in your credit card number and expiry date.

It's amazing how many women seem to be sitting around the house of an evening wearing nothing but stockings, garters and high-heeled shoes.

Even more girls seem to spend their nights in front of the TV dresses as french maids or school girls.

During phone sex, you shouldn't answer call-waiting. I had to tell mum I was working out.

It's a good idea to have a phone line in your bed room. Or at least to wait until your flat mates have gone to bed before getting involved in a heavy session on the couch.

Phone sex is mainly about vivid descriptions of what you'd like to be doing. Miming the actions doesn't work very well.